high people should be assigned attendants
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i now understand why vodka
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
