I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
