I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We smell like vodka and hangover
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