Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
