i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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