weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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