My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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