Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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