I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize