Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
