my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
