My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
