apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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