The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
