My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
