just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
