I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
