i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
