I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
