I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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