just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
