Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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