when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My balls are so social today.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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