Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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