It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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