after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
