My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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