Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
