Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
