i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
