soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
