Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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