Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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