So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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