I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
