found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
