HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
