It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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