Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
