Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How does it feel to date your dad?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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