Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
