Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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