We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
