she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
