Duck Duck Cougar?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
