Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
