so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
