You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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