I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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