Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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