I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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