I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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