Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
