I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
