idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
