There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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