There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
