Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
