I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
