I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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