I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
